Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.

All marriages are happy. It’s trying to live together after-wards that causes all the problems.

True love is like seeing ghosts; we all talk about it, but few of us have ever seen one.

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.

Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house.

When we got married I told my wife “If you leave me, I’m going with you.
And she never did.

Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes.
There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy.

To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. It’s a drug. It distorts reality, and that’s the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.

My most brilliant achievement was my ability 2 b able to persuade my wife 2 marry me

Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing — and then marry him.

I have found men who didn’t know how to kiss. I have always found time to teach them.

Marriage is like jogging through a puddle of industrial strength rubber glue. You can work hard and make it through the struggles; however, you usually leave your bobby socks and sneakers behind along the way.

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity.