Never insult an alligator until after u have crossed DA river…

If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving is not for you.

“The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.”

“A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed”

“Shin: Device for finding furniture in the dark”

“An optimist will tell you the glass is half-full; the pessimist, half-empty; and the engineer will tell you the glass is twice the size it needs to be”

“Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, ‘Where have I gone wrong?’ Then a voice says to me, ‘This is going to take more than one night.’”

“If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried”

“Speak when you are angry – and you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret.”

“Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.”

“One reason why I don’t drink is because I wish to know when I am having a good time.”

“Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.”

“If we’re not supposed to eat animals, how come they’re made out of meat?”

“An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.”

“If it weren’t for electricity we’d all be watching television by candlelight.”