“Life is too important to be taken seriously.”

It was a book to kill time for those who like it better dead.

“I have met a lot of hard boiled eggs in my time, but you’re twenty minutes.”

I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.

“A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone’s feelings unintentionally.”

She has the answer to everything and the solution to nothing.

The problem with the gene pool is that there’s no lifeguard.

“If you can’t ignore an insult, top it; if you can’t top it, laugh it off; and if you can’t laugh it off, it’s probably deserved.”

Some people are like Slinkies… not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.