"For four to six months at a time, I would barely eat. I lived on a diet of Melba toast, carrots, and black coffee."

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I go "I just want a cup of black coffee." She goes "Do you want to try a biscotti? They're from Italy and they're considered a delicacy." Have you ever eaten one of these things? It tastes like a burned cookie. Where I'm from, that's considered a mistake.

— Bill Engvall