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— Conan O'Brien"Yesterday was the New York City Marathon. The marathon was won in record time by a Democrat candidate running away from President Obama."
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The U.S. unemployment rate is the lowest it's been in nearly seven years. The job sector that has seen the most growth is in the field of Republican presidential candidates.
— Conan O'Brien
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Mitt Romney, two-time Republican presidential candidate, is going to fight Evander Holyfield for charity. I hope they save some of that money for funeral expenses.
— David Letterman
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