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— Dave Barry"My son, Rob....said the only time he ever wraps a gift is, quote, "if it's such a poor gift that I don't want to be there when the person opens it.""
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What shall I give Thee, Master? Thou who didst die for me! How can I give less than give of my best, When Thou hast given all to me! What shall I give Thee, Master? Thou who didst die for me! How can I give less than all of my best, I must give all to Thee!
— David Berg
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As popular as Christmas is, it would be even bigger if it had vampires.
— Andy Borowitz
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