"I have an air mattress. It's great because if someone tries to suffocate me in bed I can just poke a hole in it and use it to stay alive."

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Two large prominent eyes that rolled about to no purpose (for he was utterly short-sighted) a wide mouth, thick lips and inflated visage, gave him the air of a blind trumpeter. A deep untuneable voice which, instead of modulating, he enforced with unnecsessary pomp, a total neglect of his person, and ignorance of every civil attention, disgusted all who judge by appearance.

— Horace Walpole