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— Demetri Martin"I think statues are great; they show what great people would look like if a bird sh*t all over them."
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Those ignoramuses who think that birds are happy in their cages know not a single thing about freedom!
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If you had asked me when I was 28 and in my wedding dress if I ever thought I would end up in my forties flipping my husband the bird over potato chips, I'd say you were crazy.
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