Demetri Martin Quotes | When telling a story about how wasted you wer...

"When telling a story about how wasted you were last night, stop."

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I went out with a girl last night. She wasn't a Lana Turner. She was more of a stomach turner.

— Henny Youngman

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I've had six or eight hookers in my life. I never woke up the next day thinking man I'm glad I got a hooker last night.

— Doug Stanhope

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