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— Erma Bombeck"I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded."
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I have been doing leg lifts faithfully for about fifteen years, and the only thing that has gotten thinner is the carpet where I have been doing the leg lifts.
— Rita Rudner
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I live for now, not for what happens after I die. I'm going to hell, not heaven. The devil has all the good gear. What's God got? The Inspiral Carpets and nuns.
— Liam Gallagher
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