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— Jay Leno"Scientists think they can now clone an all-white zebra. Now, I'm no expert, but isn't that a horse?"
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All of my projects are done right because I know the game, and I consider myself a rap expert.
— Shaquille O'Neal
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It upset me that, five days after the hurricane hit down in New Orleans, the President's plan was for a day of prayer. I would have thought a truck of food. A day of prayer. Now, maybe I'm mistaken here and, again, I'm not a scientific expert, but isn't a hurricane officially an act of God? Isn't a day of prayer kind of redundant? Hasn't God already made up his mind on that sort of thing? So we do a day of prayer. The President has his stupid day of prayer. Three days later, Hurricane Rita hits. Somebody must have said something... something like, is that all you got?
— Jon Stewart
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