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— Jeff Foxworthy"You take a normal guy, give him a wife, give them time, and you've got AN IDIOT!"
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I'm not the kind of guy who just goes up to women.
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Wouldn't it have been weird to go to high school with the Pope? You know, somebody did, someone's sitting at home, watching TV in Poland, they see the Pope, they think, "That guy was a jerk! He was so mean to me and now he's Pope? I got a swirly from the Pope!"
— Jim Gaffigan
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