"I still believe the lessons I learned when I was raised in a Roman Catholic household. Like, it's harder for a rich man to get into Heaven than for a camel to go through the eye of a needle."

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No one smokes because they like the way it tastes. If we did, they'd make cigarette-flavored cookies, candy, ice cream. What is this? Marlboro fudge with nuts? Give me a scoop of that, willya? She's gonna have the Menthol Swirl with the Camel chip.

— Kevin Pollak