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— Milton Jones"I've just finished my book, I wrote it on penguins. Come to think of it, paper would have been better."
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This book is dedicated to all of my friends who helped me get to where I am today - you know who you are... and when I find you I am going to kill you.
— Lewis Black
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Every now and then I'll read a book, I'll be so proud of myself, I'll try and squeeze it into conversation. People will be like, "Hey Jim, how ya do-" "I read a book! Two hundred and fifty pages!" "That's great, what was it about?" "No idea! Took me three years!"
— Jim Gaffigan
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