"I am sorry I couldn't complete my term as leader. It is necessary for my staff to resign ... to regain the people's trust."

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Granted, not really a joke, but how often do you get a mic in your hand? You know? So. I am sorry but don't anybody trip on my soap box on the way out. Don't anybody trip over that. And the chip on my shoulder's a little heavy. I have back problems now.

— Janeane Garofalo