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— Tim Vine"I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. He was trying to pull a fast one."
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So this bloke says to me, "Can I come in your house and talk about your carpets?" I thought "That's all I need, a Je-hoover's witness".
— Tim Vine
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Honestly some folk will take offence at anything, I met a bloke with no legs this morning while at the bus stop, all I asked was "How are you getting on?"
— Billy Connolly
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