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Why waste time learning, when ignorance is instantaneous?
Sep 24, 2025
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words.
It's only work if somebody makes you do it.
I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information.
Leave it to a girl to take the fun out of sex discrimination.
If you do the job badly enough, sometimes you don't get asked to do it again.
I try to make everyone's day a little more surreal.
Good friends are hard to come by... I need more money.
As far as I'm concerned, if something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway.
We don't devote enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.
I go to school, but I never learn what I want to know.
What's the point of wearing your favorite rocket ship underpants if nobody ever asks to see 'em?
So the secret to good self-esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they're already met?
Well, remember what you said, because in a day or two, I'll have a witty and blistering retort! You'll be devastated THEN
The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present.
People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.
Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!
It's psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I'll get a saw.
The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure pure reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog!
I'm learning real skills that I can apply throughout the rest of my life...procrastinating and rationalizing.
You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocket ship underpants don't help.
Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change. But pretty soon, everything's different.
Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.
It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.
When birds burp, it must taste like bugs.
Things are never quite as scary when you've got a best friend.
That's the difference between me and the rest of the world. Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!
I like maxims that don't encourage behavior modification.
A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.
If good things lasted forever, would we appreciate how precious they are?
I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can play together all night.
Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I'd say our afternoon just got booked solid!
Calvin: Trick or treat! Adult: Where's your costume? What are you supposed to be? Calvin: I'm yet another resource-consuming kid in an overpopulated planet, raised to an alarming extent by Madison Avenue and Hollywood, poised with my cynical and alienated peers to take over the world when you're old and weak... Am I scary, or what?
Everybody I know fails the acid test of friendship.
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