Cool Funny Quotes

I'm not interested in being one of those comedians who wants to look good and be this 'cool' funny person. I don't care how weird or ugly I look.

Funny thing how you first meet the woman that you marry. I first met the wife in a tunnel of love. She was digging it.

I've had great success being a total idiot.

The very nature of cool is that you think about it too much and it becomes uncool.

A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime.

Besties before testes.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

What about a compromise? I’ll kill them first, and if it turns out they were friendly, I’ll apologize.