Fruitcake Quotes

Most people don't ever want to use a gun to protect themselves - that's the last thing they want to do - but if you know how and you have a situation with some fruitcake running around, like they've got right now, it sure can save you a lot of grief.

Franchot Tone is nuttier than a fruitcake, so don't let the genteel frosting fool you.

I must speak the truth, and nothing but the truth.

You're going to set us all on fire, you homicidal feral fruitcake.

Bring on the fruitcakes, we want a fruitcake for an unlovable seat.

Fruitcake is like semen, there's a lot of it about but no one wants to swallow it

There's a little bit of fruitcake left in everyone of us.

Once upon a time there was a girl who discovered that if she played a certain tune on a jade flute, she could summon up jade gnomes, a peculiar, harmless, but rather creepy looking spirit of the underground. The fact is that many of us have talents like this, but generally never discover them due to lack of opportunity, since one can go one's entire life without playing a jade flute, or discovering that one can speak the language of ground sloths, or turning fruitcake into solid tungsten by singing Sinatra tunes to it under a quarter moon.

Have you ever known anyone who bought a fruitcake for himself? Of course not. They are purchased as Christmas gifts, mostly for people you don't particularly like.

As her skin sizzled under the delicious heat, she supposed she should’ve been giving serious thought to the lunacy of what she was doing playing with a vampire, who was, for all his charm, as lethal as a stiletto across the throat. But then again, most of her friends already thought she was half a nut short of a fruitcake. Why disappoint?

Am I a fruitcake? I don't know. Perception is reality, so if I sit here and say, "I'm not a fruitcake, I'm a lemon cake," it doesn't matter. What you see me as in your world is what I am; it doesn't matter what I am - do you know what I mean? To me, I know what my real problems are - and they're certainly not about cake. And that's just the way it is.

the ultimate in longevity is the Christmas fruitcake. It is a cake made during the holidays with fruits that make it heavier than the stove it is cooked in.

The easiest way to make a fruitcake is to buy a darkish cake, then pound some old, hard fruit into it with a mallet. Be sure to wear safety glasses.

I mean UKIP, I mean it's just a sort of, you know, bunch of fruitcakes and loonies and closet racists, basically.

The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.

Reality is like a fruitcake; pretty enough to look at but with all sorts of nasty things lurking just beneath the surface.

The thing with children is they're a bit like baking a fruitcake: you throw all the ingredients in but you never know how they're going to turn out.

We need more fruitcakes in this world and less bakers! We need people that care! I'm mad as hell! And I don't want to take it anymore!

We need more fruitcakes in this world, and less bakers!

Political advice is a bit like your average Christmas fruitcake: something everyone gives and no one wants.

Oh, these people's minds work in strange ways, Petunia, they're not like you and me," said Uncle Vernon, trying to knock in a nail with the piece of fruitcake Aunt Petunia had just brought him.

I am not a morose person, but I would rather not be here. I don't have any reverence for life, only for the entities themselves. I would rather see a blank space where I am. This will sound like fruitcake stuff again but at least I wouldn't be harming anything.

Friends are the fruitcake of life - some nutty, some soaked in alcohol, some sweet.

Airport screeners are now scanning holiday fruitcakes. Not even the scanners can tell what those little red things are.

I didn't believe in systems. Everything human was imperfect and ultimately absurd. What did I believe in then? In humor. In laughing at systems, at people, at one's self. In laughing even at one's need to laugh all the time. In seeing life as contradictory, many-sided, various, funny, tragic, and with moments of outrageous beauty. In seeing life as a fruitcake, including delicious plums and bad peanuts, but meant to be devoured hungrily all the same because you couldn't feast on the plums without also sometimes being poisoned by the peanuts.