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If at first you don't succeed, try management. Indecision is the key to flexibility. If at first you don't succeed, take the tax loss.
Oct 1, 2025
I love making things, like software, and films, and laughter. And working with Gus Silber, to make the Funny Business book, has been a fantastic journey.
It is unfortunate we can't buy many business executives for what they are worth and sell them for what they think they are worth.
Money can't buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
The wheels are turning, but the hamsters are all dead. Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot. I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig, you get dirty; and besides, the pig likes it.
I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.
Due to budget cutbacks, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
We were hoping to build a small profitable company; and of course, what we've done is build a large, unprofitable company.
Currently we don't have plans on conquering the world.
Nothing recedes like success.
Make sure you have a vice president in charge of your revolution, to engender ferment among your more conventional colleagues.
I'm not the smartest fellow in the world, but I can sure pick smart colleagues.
It was all very strange, Mr. Gray thought, as he wiped the coffee canister clean with a sponge. Very, very mysterious. You were born; you lived a whole life; and at the end, you wound up in a coffee canister. "Ah, well," he said out loud quietly. "That's just the way things are. Life's a funny business." Death, he supposed, was the punch line.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether. A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
If you can't make it good, at least make it look good.
All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind.
Get the right people on the bus, the wrong people off the bus, and the right people in the right seats...
Success and failure are both difficult to endure. Along with success come drugs, divorce, fornication, bullying, travel, meditation, medication, depression, neurosis and suicide. With failure comes failure.
Only when the tide goes out do you discover who's been swimming naked.
An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame.
If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.
The entrepreneur always searches for change, responds to it, and exploits it as an opportunity.
My son is now an 'entrepreneur.' That's what you're called when you don't have a job.
In the business world, everyone is paid in two coins: cash and experience. Take the experience first; the cash will come later.
One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness.
The worst part of success is to try to find someone who is happy for you.
Funny business, a woman's career: the things you drop on the way up the ladder so you can move faster. You forget you'll need them again when you get back to being a woman. It's one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not: being a woman. Sooner or later, we've got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we've had or wanted.
Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.
The general systems of money management today require people to pretend to do something they can't do and like something they don't. It's a funny business because on a net basis, the whole investment management business together gives no value added to all buyers combined. That's the way it has to work. Mutual funds charge two percent per year and then brokers switch people between funds, costing another three to four percentage points. The poor guy in the general public is getting a terrible product from the professionals.
If you owe the bank $100 that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem.
There's an enormous number of managers who have retired on the job.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can put off forever.
The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.
A business that makes nothing but money is a poor business.
It's to paint directly on the canvas without any funny business, as it were, and I use almost pure turpentine to start with, adding oil as I go along until the medium becomes pure oil. I use as little oil as I can possibly help, and that's my method.
Pretty much, Apple and Dell are the only ones in this industry making money. They make it by being Wal-Mart. We make it by innovation.
Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.
To the pessimist the light at the end of the tunnel is another train.
Seems like the light at the end of the tunnel may be you.
I think any man in business would be foolish to fool around with his secretary. If it's somebody else's secretary, fine.
There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.
People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily.
The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.
There are three cardinal rules - don't take somebody else's boyfriend unless you've been specifically invited to do so, don't take a drink without being asked, and keep a scrupulous accounting in financial matters.
It sounds extraordinary, but it's a fact that balance sheets can make fascinating reading.
Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things.