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What's in that pipe that he's smoking?
Sep 29, 2025
Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.
Were it not for the shepherds, there would have been no reception. And were it not for a group of stargazers, there would have been no gifts.
Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space.
Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall.
One can never have enough socks," said Dumbledore. "Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn't get a single pair. People will insist on giving me books.
One can never have enough socks
Roses are reddish Violets are bluish If it weren't for Christmas We'd all be Jewish.
Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.
From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.
Christmas... is not an external event at all, but a piece of one's home that one carries in one's heart.
The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
Whatever else be lost among the years, Let us keep Christmas still a shining thing: Whatever doubts assail us, or what fears, Let us hold close one day, remembering Its poignant meaning for the hearts of men. Let us get back our childlike faith again.
At Christmas play and make good cheer, for Christmas comes but once a year.
Let us keep Christmas still a shining thing.
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas With every Christmas card I write May your days be merry and bright And may all your Christmases be white.
Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
Peace on earth will come to stay, When we live Christmas every day.
Christmas Eve was a night of song that wrapped itself about you like a shawl. But it warmed more than your body. It warmed your heart...filled it, too, with melody that would last forever.
Our hearts grow tender with childhood memories and love of kindred, and we are better throughout the year for having, in spirit, become a child again at Christmas-time.
A merry Christmas to everybody! A happy New Year to all the world!
That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.
Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas.
Heap on more wood! - the wind is chill; But let it whistle as it will, We'll keep our Christmas merry still.
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.
Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.
Let me see if I've got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn't laundering illegal drug money?
Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe that he's smoking?
Bless us Lord, this Christmas, with quietness of mind; Teach us to be patient and always to be kind.
Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs?
When we were children we were grateful to those who filled our stockings at Christmas time. Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs?
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.
In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it "Christmas" and went to church; the Jews called it "Hanukka" and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say "Merry Christmas!" or "Happy Hanukka!" or (to the atheists) "Look out for the wall!"
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year.
Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas.
Every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings.
A Christmas gambol oft could cheer The poor man's heart through half the year.
Dear Lord, I've been asked, nay commanded, to thank Thee for the Christmas turkey before us... a turkey which was no doubt a lively, intelligent bird... a social being... capable of actual affection... nuzzling its young with almost human- like compassion. Anyway, it's dead and we're gonna eat it. Please give our respects to its family.
Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.
Christmas! The very word brings joy to our hearts.
T'was the night before Christmas, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?
Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.
Christmas is the time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell government what they want and their kids pay for it.