Funny Hockey Quotes

At the end of each year I make a list of my mistakes and it's pretty friggin long.

We take the shortest route to the puck and arrive in ill humor.

I was three-quarters down the list of guys I would be facing in my first game when I realized I was looking at our own roster.

This is the only thing that has seen more parties than us.

It's not who wins the fight that's important, it's being willing to fight. If you get challenged and renege, everyone wants to take a shot at you.

When we've got the puck, they can't score.

We get nose jobs all the time in the NHL, and we don't even have to go to the hospital.

Ice hockey is a form of disorderly conduct in which the score is kept.

I skate to where the puck is going to be, not where it has been.

Hockey s a funny game. You have to prove yourself every shift, every game. It's not up to anybody else. You have to take pride in yourself.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

Hockey is a fast, body-contact game played by men with clubs in their hands and knives laced to their feet.

That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my (expletive) clothes.

On his attempt at the Edmonton Oilers empty net: I guess they respect my shot because they were all ready at the blue line.

I was a multi-millionaire from playing hockey. Then I got divorced, and now I'm a millionaire.

A puck is a hard rubber disk that hockey players strike when they can't hit one another.

Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records.

The only difference between this and Custer's last stand was that Custer didn't have to look at the tape afterward.

The only difference between the Coyotes and 'Days of Our Lives' is that nobody has been shot on our team yet.

I play a position where you make mistakes. The only people that don't make them at a hockey game are the people watching.

High sticking, tripping, slashing, spearing, charging, hooking, fighting, unsportsmanlike conduct, interference, roughing......everything else is just figure skating.

I tried to talk my daughter out of going with a hockey player but, he's a good kid. He asked me if he could marry Carrie before he asked her. I said: You want to what? I thought he was just going to ask for more ice time.

One road trip we were stuck on the runway for seven hours. The plane kept driving and driving until we arrived at the rink and I realized we were on a bus.

People didn't know the difference between a blue line and a clothes line.

Is hockey hard? I don't know, you tell me. We need to have the strength and power of a football player, the stamina of a marathon runner, and the concentration of a brain surgeon. But we need to put all this together while moving at high speeds on a cold and slippery surface while 5 other guys use clubs to try and kill us. Oh yeah, did I mention that this whole time we're standing on blades 1/8 of an inch thick? Is ice hockey hard? I don't know, you tell me. Next question.

How would you like a job where, if you made a mistake, a big red light goes on and 18,000 people boo?

Street hockey is great for kids. It's energetic, competitive, and skilful. And best of all, it keeps them off the street.

All hockey players are bilingual. They know English and profanity.

Half the game is mental, the other half is being mental.

A good hockey player plays where the puck is. A great hockey player plays where the puck is going to be.

Yeah, I'm cocky and I am arrogant. But that doesn't mean I'm not a nice person.

Hockey captures the essence of Canadian experience in the New World. In a land so inescapably and inhospitably cold, hockey is the chance of life, and an affirmation that despite the deathly chill of winter we are alive.

By the age of 18, the average American has witnessed 200,000 acts of violence on television, most of them occurring during Game 1 of an NHL playoff series.

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

Hockey belongs to the Cartoon Network, where a person can be pancaked by an ACME anvil, then expanded - accordion-style - back to full stature, without any lasting side effect.