Funny Smoking Quotes

Oscar Wilde: 'Do you mind if I smoke?' Sarah Bernhardt: 'I don't care if you burn.'

I DON'T smoke anymore, except on National No Smoking Day as a protest against those who want to control our lives.

aven, I have given up smoking again!... God! I feel fit. Homicidal, but fit. A different man. Irritable, moody, depressed, rude, nervy, perhaps; but the lungs are fine.

I want all hellions to quit puffing that hell fume in God's clean air.

The believing we do something when we do nothing is the first illusion of tobacco.

There's something luxurious about having a girl light your cigarette. In fact, I got married once on account of that.

The public health authorities never mention the main reason many Americans have for smoking heavily, which is that smoking is a fairly sure, fairly honorable form of suicide.

I'm glad I don't have to explain to a man from Mars why each day I set fire to dozens of little pieces of paper, and then put them in my mouth.

Good food, good sex, good digestion, good sleep: to these basic animal pleasures, man has added nothing but the good cigarette.

Now the only thing I miss about sex is the cigarette afterward. Next to the first one in the morning, it's the best one of all. It tasted so good that even if I had been frigid I would have pretended otherwise just to be able to smoke it.

To smoke or not to smoke: I can make of either a life-work.

I used to smoke two packs a day and I just hate being a nonsmoker.... but I will never consider myself a nonsmoker because I always find smokers the most interesting people at the table.

Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can't find your fags.

There's a lot of people who, a cigarette is about the only vacation they have.

I thought I couldn't afford to take her out and smoke as well. So I gave up cigarettes. Then I took her out and one day I looked at her and thought: 'Oh well,' and I went back to smoking again, and that was better.

For the first time in history, sex is more dangerous than the cigarette afterward.

You must have a cigarette. A cigarette is the perfect type of a perfect pleasure. It is exquisite, and it leaves one unsatisfied. What more can one want?

He who doth not smoke hath either known no great griefs, or refuseth himself the softest consolation, next to that which comes from heaven.

I tried to stop smoking cigarettes by telling myself I just didn't want to smoke, but I didn't believe myself

A cigarette is the only consumer product which when used as directed kills its consumer.

Much smoking kills live men and cures dead swine.

If I cannot smoke in heaven, then I shall not go.

Given the choice between a woman and a cigar, I will always choose the cigar.

More than one cigar at a time is excessive smoking.

A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.

I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time.

Ods me I marle what pleasure or felicity they have in taking their roguish tobacco. It is good for nothing but to choke a man, and fill him full of smoke and embers.

Smoking is one of the leading causes of all statistics.

A custom loathsome to the eye, hateful to the nose, harmful to the brain, dangerous to the lungs, and in the black, stinking fume thereof nearest resembling the horrible Stygian smoke of the pit that is bottomless.

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

I kissed my first girl and smoked my first cigarette on the same day. I haven't had time for tobacco since.

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.

Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

A cigar has "...a fire at one end and a fool at the other."

Cigarettes and coffee: an alcoholic's best friend!

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.

If I had taken my doctor's advice and quit smoking when he advised me to, I wouldn't have lived to go to his funeral.

People always come up to me and say that my smoking is bothering them....well it's killing me!

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.

The dead drug leaves a ghost behind. At certain hours it haunts the house.

If an addict who has been completely cured starts smoking again he no longer experiences the discomfort of his first addiction. There exists, therefore, outside alkaloids and habit, a sense for opium, an intangible habit which lives on, despite the recasting of the organism. The dead drug leaves a ghost behind. At certain hours it haunts the house.

There are some circles in America where it seems to be more socially acceptable to carry a hand-gun than a packet of cigarettes.

I now have absolute proof that smoking even one marijuana cigarette is equal in brain damage to being on Bikini Island during an H-bomb blast