Gynecologists Quotes

I've been at stand-up 26 years now: After a while, you get as jaded as the proverbial gynecologist who no longer enjoys drugging and violating his patients.

Few gynecologists recommend to their heterosexual patients the most foolpoof of solutions, namely, misterectomy.

It's not a big part, ... I wheel in an ultrasound machine and say to Taylor's gynecologist, 'If you have a problem with it, just give it a light tap on the side.' Then they hand me a urine sample, and I put it up to the light and say 'Hmm, looks pretty healthy, but I'll check.'

I wanted to get a job as a gynecologist, but I couldn't find an opening.

I'm Not a Gynecologist, but I'll take a Look.

I go for my completely routine mammogram and then I get a call from my gynecologist. And she says, 'Well, I have some - it's not such great news, but here it is, but it's very small and we're just going to get in there and take it right out, right away, and then you'll probably have radiation.'

There was nothing like a trip to the gynecologist to make one feel just a little violated. Charley

My body is dropping so fast, my gynecologist wears a hard hat.

Forty years ago, after many years of successful use of thyroid therapy, leading gynecologists in this country and elsewhere were reporting thyroid had cured more menstrual disorders than all other medications combined. Unfortunately, that lesson seems to have been largely lost.

A gynecologist is the dentist for the downstairs mouth.

Been thinking about having a baby. But if I want to do it, I'd have to do it soon 'cause it's getting near closing time. The clock is ticking. My gynecologist said, if I wanted to have a baby, I would have to do it - the latest - by the ended of this show.

If I were a gynecologist, I'd say things like, Okay, enough of the small talk. Let's check under the hood.

I have so little sex appeal that my gynecologist calls me "sir."

One of my favorite sketches, and a popular comedy formula, is to put someone with a mental handicap in some kind of unlikely situation. For example: The retarded gynecologist, the retarded Jesus, the retarded Osama Bin Laden. It works. It's funny. Inappropriate? I dunno. I feel like I'm a pretty good judge of what crosses the line of good taste being that I am retarded. Socially perhaps, but severly retarded.

We old bachelors smell like dogs, do we? So be it. But I must take issue with your claim that doctors who treat female illnesses are womanizers and cynics at heart. Gynecologists deal with savage prose the likes of which you have never dreamed of.

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.

wishes for sons by Lucille Clifton i wish them cramps. i wish them a strange town and the last tampon. I wish them no 7-11. i wish them one week early and wearing a white skirt. i wish them one week late. later i wish them hot flashes and clots like you wouldn't believe. let the flashes come when they meet someone special. let the clots come when they want to. let them think they have accepted arrogance in the universe, then bring them to gynecologists not unlike themselves.

I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life; my gynecologist examines me by telephone.

As a doctor, let me tell you what self-love does: It improves your hearing, your eyesight, lowers your blood pressure, increases pulmonary function, cardiac output, and helps wiring the musculature. So, if we had a rampant epidemic of self-love then our healthcare costs would go down dramatically. So, this isn't just some little frou-frou new age notion, oh love yourself honey. This is hardcore science.

I got a postcard from my gynecologist. It said, Did you know it's time for your annual check-up? No, but now my mailman does.

as we acquire new aches and new pains, our health care is, of necessity, being supplied by internists, cardiologists, dermatologists, podiatrists, urologists, periodontists, gynecologists and psychiatrists, from all of whom we want a second opinion. We want a second opinion that says, don't worry, you are going to live forever.

Loving everything about yourself - even the 'unacceptable' - is an act of personal power. It is the beginning of healing.