Turds Quotes

The worst thing for a writer is to know another writer, and worse than that, to know a number of other writers. Like flies on the same turd.

Nobody makes a turd like that and lives.

You're like a turd that won't flush.

Neferet, you're nuttier than squirrel turds.

When you mix raisins and turds, you've still got turds.

I always say to my religious friends, if a pool had even one turd in it, would you jump in?

If it's not working, you can't polish a turd.

You can't polish a turd.

that's as nutty as squirrel turds

Sometimes you've got to eat a turd sandwich; makes the ribeye taste better next time.

So do you want a turd sandwich or a turd sandwich with mustard. I'd go with the mustard, but still, it's a turd sandwich.

If you don't have a mobile strategy, you're in deep turd.

I live in a 9 million dollar turd.

Don't pole-vault over mouse turds.

..few writers like other writers' works. The only time they like them is when they are dead or if they have been for a long time. Writers only like to sniff their own turds. I am one of those. I don't even like to talk to writers, look at them or worse, listen to them. And the worst is to drink with them, they slobber all over themselves, really look piteous, look like they are searching for the wing of the mother. I'd rather think about death than about other writers. Far more pleasant.

Life and literature is a question of what one thrills to, and further than that no man shall ever go without putting his foot in a turd.

Surfing is one of the most joyful pursuits a human can take up. But there's no joy in a deadzone. If you've ever surfed in turds and medical waste you don't want to repeat the experience.

If I started thinking too much about how influential I've been, then I'd be more of a turd than I already am.

Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day.

The most hopeful thing in the stories, I hope, is wit. I make it up. If I make up a world in which we're ruled by big talking turds, it doesn't mean that we are. So you shouldn't feel depressed.

When a writer is swayed with his fame and his fortune, you can float him down the river with the turds.

[On journalists:] They are as disruptive a menace to the public body: as grating turds in the intestines are to the private body.

A woman's love is like the morning dew. It's just as likely to settle on a horse turd as a rose.

Watching these channels all day is incredibly depressing. I live in a constant state of depression. I think of us as turd miners. I put on my helmet, I go and mine turds, hopefully I don't get turd lung disease.

I was talking to my friend from New York yesterday, and I used the expression, 'You can't polish a turd'. He looked at me, disgusted, and said, 'No, you can't, but you can roll it in glitter'. He's a lovely guy but I wouldn't want to go to a craft fair with him

Mushrooms grow on cow turds. I love that. I think that's why you giggle the first hour.

The people of your century no longer require the service of composers. A composer is as useful to a person in a jogging suit as a dinsoaur turd in the middle of his runway.

Don't ever write a novel unless it hurts like a hot turd coming out.

Jerry Bruckheimer creates comedy, he just doesn't realize because he's a turd.

If we mix only a moderate minority share of turds with the raisins each year, probably no one will recognize what will ultimately become a very large collection of turds.

The trouble with most coaches is that they start with the assumption that everybody is a turd. And that ain't right.

Childbirth is no more a miracle then eating food and a turd coming out of your ass.

Although to be fair, cherry picking isn't quite what we do. Cherries are sweet and delicious. What we do is more turd mining. And I'll thank you to give our work the respect it deserves!

I like to work with people who have a sense of putting a song over, and can sing in tune, and with passion. With technology you can polish a turd, but there's still no button you can press for passion.

As you swim the river of live, do the breast stroke. It helps to clear the turds from your path.

Life is not like a box of chocolates unless there's a few turds in the box.

I'm the sort of loser who succeeds really well and then drops a turd in the punch bowl.

The thing that bothers me the most is the recklessness and greed of the local ranchers, who run too many cattle back here, choking with waste the creek that runs through my property. There's certain times of day that the cowboys like to send them turds down the river. Them f**kers piss me off. if you gotta mess up the ecology of the world in order to raise a bunch of cows, well eat somethin else. I'm not a fan of the cowboys.

Made up of corallitic accretions and painful increments, lit on rare occasions by bolts of revelation, and then stuffed behind the wainscotting to grope in the mouse-turd dust, art is the equivalent of athlete's foot, at best an exquisite itch, at worst an excuse to stop walking. On the emotional side, it is either masturbation with a hockey glove or a night beneath the sliding moon that shames Eros.

My wife, trying to be helpful, goes to the grocery store and buys this stuff called soy bacon. Let me tell you something: I know soy beans are good for a lot of things. Let's stay out of the bacon market! It says It looks and tastes like real bacon! No it doesn't! It tastes like somebody bacon-flavored a turd, that's what it tastes like!

Javier Pastore wouldn't get a beach ball off me if we were locked in a phone box. He's turd. Anyone who thinks he isn't is clueless.

Believe it or not the war on Iraq is based on a sound scientific principle, The bee hive principle. Which clearly states that if you are stung by a bee, you should follow it back to its nest and then proceed to beat nest to a pulp with a baseball bat until the stripey little turd has learned its lesson.

There is San Diego - this retirement village, with its prim petticoat, that doesn't want to get too near the water. San Diego worries about all the turds washing up on the lovely, pristine beaches of La Jolla. San Diego wishes Mexico would have fewer babies. And San Diego, like the rest of America, is growing middle-aged.

But where did this veneration of childbirth come from? I missed that meeting. Childbirth is wonderful, childbirth is a miracle. Wrong. It's no more a miracle than eating food and a turd coming out your ass.

I grew up having to piss in a bucket ’cos there was no indoor shitter, and now I have these computerised Japanese super-loo things that have heated seats and wash and blow-dry your arse at the touch of a button. Give it a couple of years and I’ll have a bog with a robot arm that pulls out my turds, so I don’t have to strain.

I like to think of myself as a regular guy, except I play football for a living. I try not to be an arrogant turd out there.

I'm not afraid to play ugly - look at 'Adaptation.' I looked like a turd that a cat had coughed up.