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— Bill Maher"I want to thank some very special people without whom I would not be here today. George Bush, Sarah Palin and the Pope. When I came to Hollywood in 1983, I had one dream. To sleep with Jodie Foster. That didn't work out, but this is nice, too."
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When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.
— Billy Connolly
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Models talk to you for six minutes and they're very nice and they say thank you and then it's off to the larger European men they actually have sex with.
— Jon Stewart
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