"Models talk to you for six minutes and they're very nice and they say thank you and then it's off to the larger European men they actually have sex with."

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I want to thank some very special people without whom I would not be here today. George Bush, Sarah Palin and the Pope. When I came to Hollywood in 1983, I had one dream. To sleep with Jodie Foster. That didn't work out, but this is nice, too.

— Bill Maher