Funny Beer Drinking Quotes

Paintings are like a beer, only beer tastes good and it's hard to stop drinking beer.

I would not have thought of eating a meal without drinking a beer.

Brewers enjoy working to make beer as much as drinking beer instead of working.

A woman is like beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one!

I've only been in love with a beer bottle and a mirror.

Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.

For a quart of ale is a dish for a king.

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks.

An oppressive government is more to be feared than a tiger.

Beer. Now there's a temporary solution!

No soldier can fight unless he is properly fed on beef and beer.

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.

There cannot be good living where there is not good drinking.

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.

I drink when I have occasion, and sometimes when I have no occasion.

I prefer to think that God is not dead, just drunk.

Beer, if drank with moderation, softens the temper, cheers the spirit, and promotes health.

Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer.

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?

I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper and the old men and old women warmer in the winter and happier in the summer.

I am a firm believer in the people. If given the truth, they can be depended upon to meet any national crisis. The great point is to bring them the real facts.

I'm not a heavy drinker, I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop.

I drink to make other people interesting.

When I drink, I think; and when I think, I drink.

Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I'm thirsty, not dirty.

If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer.

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!

Who cares how time advances? I am drinking ale today.

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication.

Fill with mingled cream and amber, I will drain that glass again. Such hilarious visions clamber Through the chamber of my brain — Quaintest thoughts — queerest fancies Come to life and fade away; What care I how time advances? I am drinking ale today.

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.

One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough.

I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won't let himself get snotty about it.

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer.

The fact that a believer is happier than a skeptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a sober one.

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.