Funny Family Quotes

I had a very funny family.

I have a funny family, but none of them are remotely in show business.

I been with strangers all day and they treated me like family. I come in here to family and you treat me like a stranger.

I am an only child. I have one sister.

I wish to thank my parents for making it all possible? and I wish to thank my children for making it necessary.

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.

I can get up in the morning and look myself in the mirror and my family can look at me too and that's all that matters.

Fathers are the geniuses of the house because only a person as intelligent as we could fake such stupidity.

The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one, particularly if he plays golf.

I have a 10 year old boy and a 6 year old boy and the stuff that they watch, it's always... I mean, it could be because we're a funny family, but they love the humor and combining humor with space action, I mean, you know, there's a winner right there.

Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.

Never underestimate a child's ability to get into more trouble.

My children love my mother, and I tell my children, that is not the same woman I grew up with...That is an old woman trying to get into heaven now.

There are only two things a child will share willingly; communicable diseases and its mother's age.

My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.

To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.

Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.

The voice of parents is the voice of gods, for to their children they are heaven's lieutenants.

I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom.

Sometimes it’s heartbreaking to see your siblings as the people they’ve become. Maybe that’s why we all stay away from each other as a matter of course.

Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.

I live by my own rules (reviewed, revised, and approved by my wife).. but still my own.

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.

Earthmen are not proud of their ancestors and never invite them round to dinner.

Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet.

We were a very funny family. Humour was the tool with which my brother and I tried to get attention. We were always trying to be the funniest.

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'

The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.

Accidents will occur in the best regulated families.

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.

In some families, please is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was sorry.

All happy families resemble one another, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.

If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion.

There is no cure for laziness but a large family helps.

Other things may change us, but we start and end with the family.

The family is one of nature's masterpieces.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

To us, family means putting your arms around each other and being there.

The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.

In every conceivable manner, the family is link to our past, bridge to our future.

The family - that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor, in our inmost hearts, ever quite wish to.

Like all the best families, we have our share of eccentricities, of impetuous and wayward youngsters and of family disagreements.

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.

If the family were a fruit, it would be an orange, a circle of sections, held together but separable - each segment distinct.

You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them.

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.