Funny Happy Fathers Day Quotes

My wife is so analytical with raising kids, and I am not. My feeling is if they turn out good, then that means I was a good daddy and put a lot of effort into it. If they turn out bad, it means they took after her side of the family.

I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, 'My dad can beat up your dad.' I'd say 'Yeah? When?'

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

For rarely are sons similar to their fathers: most are worse, and a few are better than their fathers.

A king, realizing his incompetence, can either delegate or abdicate his duties. A father can do neither. If only sons could see the paradox, they would understand the dilemma.

When I was a kid, my father told me every day, 'You're the most wonderful boy in the world, and you can do anything you want to.'

You can do anything you want to do.

As fathers commonly go, it is seldom a misfortune to be fatherless; and considering the general run of sons, as seldom a misfortune to be childless.

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

When Charles first saw our child Mary, he said all the proper things for a new father. He looked upon the poor little red thing and blurted, "She's more beautiful than the Brooklyn Bridge."

The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get.

Scratch any father, you find / Someone chock-full of qualms and romantic terrors, / Believing change is a threat.

The thing to remember about fathers is, they're men. A girl has to keep it in mind: They are dragon seekers, bent on improbable rescues. Scratch any father, you find someone chock - full of qualms and romantic terrors, believing change is a threat - like your first shoes with heels on, like your first bicycle I took such months to get.

Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up.

It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn't.

A father carries pictures where his money used to be.

If the relationship of father to son could really be reduced to biology, the whole earth would blaze with the glory of fathers and sons.

A man knows when he is growing old because he begins to look like his father.

Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.

When a father gives to his son, both laugh; when a son gives to his father, both cry.

There should be a children's song: 'If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your dad sleep'.

Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call him father.

My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.

The father is always a Republican toward his son, and his mother's always a Democrat.

If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.

The father who does not teach his son his duties is equally guilty with the son who neglects them.

It is easier for a father to have children than for children to have a real father.

My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, 'You're tearing up the grass'; 'We're not raising grass,' Dad would reply. 'We're raising boys.'

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters.

The greatest gift I ever had Came from God; I call him Dad!

Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes.

To a father growing old nothing is dearer than a daughter.

Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again.

A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again.

It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.

My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.

If your dad is anything like mine, then you have no clue what to buy him for Father's Day. The only Father's Day tradition in my family is the annual conversation he and I have where I say, 'Hey, Dad, what do you want for Father's Day this year?' and he says, 'Nothing.' Then I ask my mom what I should get him and she says, 'He likes sandalwood soap, dangly jewelry and Chanel No. 5 perfume.'

Choose a career you love and you will never have to go to work.

Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.

I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection.

My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.

Father's Day: When you get that lethal combination of alcohol and new power tools.

When I was a kid, I said to my father one afternoon, 'Daddy, will you take me to the zoo?' He answered, 'If the zoo wants you, let them come and get you.

To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years.

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

It is not flesh and blood, but heart which makes us fathers and sons.

It is a wise father that knows his own child.