Merry Xmas Funny Quotes

Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.

From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.

Christmas is for children. But it is for grownups too. Even if it is a headache, a chore, and nightmare, it is a period of necessary defrosting of chill and hide bound hearts.

Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love. It is Christmas in the heart that puts Christmas in the air.

I have always thought of Christmas time... as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time.

At Christmas play and make good cheer, for Christmas comes but once a year.

I sometimes think we expect too much of Christmas Day. We try to crowd into it the long arrears of kindliness and humanity of the whole year. As for me, I like to take my Christmas a little at a time, all through the year.

But I am sure that I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round...as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely.

Isn't it funny that at Christmas something in you gets so lonely for - I don't know what exactly, but it's something that you don't mind so much not having at other times.

Our hearts grow tender with childhood memories and love of kindred, and we are better throughout the year for having, in spirit, become a child again at Christmas-time.

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.

Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer... Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously?

Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.

Bless us Lord, this Christmas, with quietness of mind; Teach us to be patient and always to be kind.

Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs?

When we were children we were grateful to those who filled our stockings at Christmas time. Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs?

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.

In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it "Christmas" and went to church; the Jews called it "Hanukka" and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say "Merry Christmas!" or "Happy Hanukka!" or (to the atheists) "Look out for the wall!"

Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas.

One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly." ~ (1919-), American writer, producer, humorist.

England was merry England, when Old Christmas brought his sports again. 'Twas Christmas broach'd the mightiest ale; 'Twas Christmas told the merriest tale; A Christmas gambol oft could cheer The poor man's heart through half the year.

A Christmas gambol oft could cheer The poor man's heart through half the year.

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.

I heard the bells on Christmas Day Their old, familiar carols play, And wild and sweet The words repeat Of peace on earth, good-will to men!

I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.

It is Christmas in the heart that puts Christmas in the air.

Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.

Christmas is the time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell government what they want and their kids pay for it.