Poop Quotes

I'm very happy and being raised Catholic I assume it will end tomorrow. The rug will be pulled out from under me and someone will say, now go to your real job, shoveling poop somewhere.

We're wild horses. We're going to eat your food, knock down your tent and poop on your shoes. We're protected by federal law, just like Richard Nixon.

The last few years of my life have been a little like a long ride in a Poop de Ville with the bottom down.

I do not care about the greatest good for the greatest number . . . Most people are poop-heads I do not care about them at all.

My most smelly job was at a kennels and cattery, and I basically spent all day scooping poop.

One side sticks to the facts, and the other side is close to playing with its poop.

Sometimes on the journey, you step in dog poop. But you don't let the whole journey be about the fact that your shoe got poop on it.

Everybody looks at their poop.

you aren't what you eat - you are what you don't poop.

Sometimes, music is like poop. It just has to come out.

To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.

Whenever I feel nervous, I feel like I have to poop.

Bird Poop in the mouth is always a surprise.

The great thing about having a bunch of kids is that they just remind you that you're the person who takes them to go poop. That's who you are!

If you get made fun of working at Pier One Imports, you can't pelt them with poop.

I was a walking, talking hunk of human poop.

Going into therapy doesn't guarantee poop on toast.

I tell a lot of fart and poop jokes. I can't help it. I have no filter, and it just comes out.

Farts and poop are still funny and will always be funny.

I do love poop. I can't help it. The heart wants what it wants. I enjoy being clever and pithy and political, but nothing's going to get me like dumb stuff.

Dogs are animals that poop in public and you're supposed to pick it up. After a week of doing this, you've got to ask yourself, "Who's the real master in this relationship?"

My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.

Marketing is essentially about feeding the poop back to diners fast enough to make them think they're still getting real food.

If you order a milkshake at a diner and they mix dog poop into it, you probably wouldn't drink it. If you go into a town with pollution, you may survive and have a good visit, but you risk being poisoned.

On one level, I am a total softie, sort of depressed and afraid of losing the people I love or failing them. To disguise that, there's all this harsh, poop-centric, external swagger, full of nastiness. I'm a cloaking device.

Putting Windows [3.11] on top of DOS is like putting whipped cream on a road apple [horse poop].

You're looking, moment by moment and scene by scene, how you can tell the most interesting story. So, we had this great short and we knew that we had a story about a boy and his dog. Because we had that pure emotional core, we could go on crazy tangents and always come back to Victor and Sparky. When I wrote in stuff like Weird Girl and the cat poop, Dutch Day and the windmill, it felt like it was part of Tim's universe.

Poop humor is fun. If you do the toilet scenes well and commit to them, they can be really, really powerful.

You learn a lot though when you have kids, I'll tell you what. Did you know when a baby poops its diapers, you're not supposed to hit him with a rolled-up newspaper?

Suddenly we have a baby who poops and cries, and we are trying to calm, clean up, and pin things together all at once. Then as fast as we learn to cope--so soon--it is hard to recall why diapers ever seemed so important. The frontiers change, and now perhaps we have a teenager we can't reach.

They tell you that at his age, all they do is eat, sleep, and poop. And what I've learned is they can actually do all three at the same time. Who knew?

You know we fixate on the food so much itself: “Oh, the ultimate brownie or the ultimate this or that” -- well, let me tell you something: It’s all poop in about 12 hours, okay? The real power that food has is its ability to connect human beings to each other -- that’s the stuff right there and, to me, everything else is secondary to that.

I want to make sure to fix these obvious things - like keeping the box CLEAN! Another thing that might affect this [cats going outside the litter box] is if you put the litter box in a laundry room where people are walking by there all the time, the cat might feel kinda too exposed. When you gotta poop, you know, it takes a little longer. You want a little more privacy.

I respect so much the work that so many women do, but that's just not what I do. I have a job where I advertise yogurt that makes you poop, and people love it and tell me about their bowel movements, every day.

"Glorious, stirring sight!" murmured Toad. . . . "The poetry of motion! The real way to travel! The only way to travel! Here today - in next week tomorrow! Villages skipped, towns and cities jumped- always somebody else's horizons! O bliss! O poop-poop! O my! O my!"

My life was once whiskey, tears and cigarettes... now it's snot, tears and a color of poop. Bliss. I do miss the whiskey, though.

When you get called the n-word, as a black person you can do anything. It's like getting a gold star in Super Mario Brothers and junk. I hear the music when I hear the n-word. I get right into it; I get really into it. You can do anything. You could be in a fancy restaurant - just start throwing poop at the walls. People be like, 'What are you doing?' 'Someone called him the n-word.

I avoid the carwash when I think it might rain anytime in the near future, which means I drive around the majority of the time in a pollen and bird poop covered car. This presents a stand off between Neat Freakshow and Practical Pennypincher, and Neat Freak usually triumphs. And then it rains.

Basement smells bad. Look for cat poops, change litter.

Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.

I poop in the backyard... I wear disposable diapers.

Harry is heavily into camping, and every year in the late fall, he makes us all go to Assateague, which is an island on the Atlantic Ocean famous for its wild horses. I realize that the concept of wild horses probably stirs romantic notions in many of you, but this is because you have never met any wild horses in person. In person, they are like enormous hooved rats. They amble up to your camp site, and their attitude is: We're wild horses. We're going to eat your food, knock down your tent and poop on your shoes. We're protected by federal law, just like Richard Nixon.

If you haven't noticed yet, working sucks. Unless you are a racecar driver or an astronaut or Beyonce, working is completely and utterly devoid of awesome. It is hard, it lasts all day, the lighting is generally fluorescent, and, apparently, drinking at your desk is frowned upon. If you ever needed to ruin someone's fun, I mean really poop a party, just move things to the workplace. Fun terminated.

I use an app called ChoreMonster. The kids earn points for brushing teeth or picking up the dog poop. It's genius.

I've always learned on-the-job, in real time. A problem comes up; I research it, and try to solve it. You can't study to be an entrepreneur; you have to develop those skills day in day out. All entrepreneurial experiences are related, whether you're selling worm poop to Wal-Mart or a grade tracking application to the public elementary school system. In the end, it's all very similar.

I would like to apologize for referring to George W. Bush as a 'deserter.' What I meant to say is that George W. Bush is a deserter, an election thief, a drunk driver, a WMD liar, and a functional illiterate. And he poops his pants.

If I was to really get at the burr in my saddle, it's not politics - and this is, I think, probably a horrible analogy - but I look at politicians as they are doing what inherently they need to do to retain power. Their job is to consolidate power. When you go to the zoo and you see a monkey throwing poop, you go, 'That's what monkeys do, what are you gonna do?' But what I wish the media would do more frequently is say, 'Bad monkey.'

Spend some time observing babies. They don't work; they poop in their pants, and they have no goals other than to expand, grow and explore this amazing world. Be like that baby you once were, in terms of being joyful.

If aliens are watching us through telescopes, they're going to think the dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?

When [George W.] Bush was elected, I think they thought I would have some sort of special "in" with that administration, to provide some sort of inside poop. Which is not something I'd be interested in doing, and anyway, I didn't. I actually knew more people in his dad's administration. So it was obviously winding down at Rolling Stone, and they were having financial troubles, too. They weren't getting the advertising, and the issues were getting thin. They fired Bob Love, who'd been my editor there for a long time.