Top Gear Quotes

Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sportscar in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.

Some say he isn’t machine washable, and all his potted plants are called ‘Steve’. All we know is he’s called the Stig.

Some say that he has no understanding of clouds, and that his ear wax tastes like Turkish Delight. All we know is he’s called the Stig.

God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place.

I don't often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animal's duty to be on my plate at supper time.

If there's one thing I can't stand, it's not being noticed.

Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You’ve heard she’s mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn’t you?

This is just the happiest car in the world! I shall call it Oliver! Not that we'd ever name a car on Top Gear. I wish I hadn't said that.

I think I wanted to be on Top Gear from a fairly young age because I loved cars and I wanted to do something on telly because I loved TV. I know that I?m ridiculously lucky

[Ryan Reynolds] is my favorite [ on Top Gear] - I think he's the most hilarious actor who just has not been able to catch a break in terms of being known as the most hilarious actor.

I would love to be on 'Top Gear' as a star in a reasonably priced car.

I’d like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God.

That [Pagani] Zonda, really! It’s like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time.

Some say his droppings have been found as far north as York, and that he has a full size tattoo of his face, on his face. All we know is he’s called the Stig.

It is God who gives us the spirit of worship (Psalm 133:3), and it is what we know of God that produces this spirit of worship. We might say that worship is simply theology, doctrine, what we think about God, going into top gear! Instead of merely thinking about Him, we tell Him, in prayer and praise and song, how great and glorious we believe Him to be!

Telling people at a dinner party you drive a Nissan Almera is like telling them you've got the Ebola virus and you're about to sneeze.

The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won’t let me turn the traction control off!

I rang up Jay Kay, who's got one, and said: 'Can we borrow yours?' and he said, 'Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing.'

Driving most supercars is like trying to manhandle a cow up a back staircase, but this is like smearing honey onto Keira Knightley.

Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what BEING STABBED?

Whenever I’m suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I’m straight off.

A turbo: exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens and you go faster.

Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.

Throughout the Arab and Islamic world the feeling is that we are now in top gear for a war of civilizations, a clash of civilizations. Support for the United States is very low and there are no voices within the Muslim world, except for a very few.

Change gear, change gear, check mirror, murder a prostitute, change gear, change gear, murder. That's a lot of effort in a day.

This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying “Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.”

No, it will never have enough power until I can spin the wheels at the end of the straightaway in high gear. Too much power is never enough.

I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?

In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled. Usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was.

It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom

[on the BMW X3] If you are clinically insane, by which I mean you wake up in the morning and think you are an onion, here's your car.

The problem is that television executives have got it into their heads that if one presenter on a show is a blonde-haired, blue-eyed heterosexual boy, the other must be a black Muslim lesbian.

Some say he never blinks, and that he roams around the woods at night foraging for wolves. All we know is he’s called the Stig.

Mexican cars are just going to be lazy, feckless, flatulent, overweight, leaning against a fence asleep looking at a cactus with a blanket with a hole in the middle on as a coat.

I mean its a weekly occurrence that somebody will complain that Top Gear was on last night - and you just sit back and wait for the complaints. But if you start to pay attention to everyones concerns, you end up with something bland and boring. So you sort of have to ignore everybody in order to do the show how we want to do it.

Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow.

Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would.

If you were to buy a [BMW] 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends’ houses so they don’t see its backside.

Getting an award on Top Gear is better than getting a Grammy.

The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite

Speed has never killed anyone. Suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

I'm sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.

Supercars are supposed to run over Arthur Scargill and then run over him again for good measure. They are designed to melt ice caps, kill the poor, poison the water table, destroy the ozone layer, decimate indigenous wildlife, recapture the Falkland Islands and turn the entire third world into a huge uninhabitable desert, all that before they nicked all the oil in the world.

When we went to Canada [with Top Gear], I was staggered about how many people got in touch ... Before we finish with The Grand Tour, we'll definitely be appearing in Canada at some point. Nothing is more certain than that.

This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory.

The air conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.

Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough affordable cars on the show so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!

Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It's like making a hard core adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You'd just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke's sweaty face.

Acting is a sport. On stage you must be ready to move like a tennis player on his toes. Your concentration must be keen, your reflexes sharp; your body and mind are in top gear, the chase is on. Acting is energy. In the theatre people pay to see energy.

Although the great frustration about this [role] is the fact that there's one thing Maigret never does, and that's drive. He's always driven, or he takes the train, or he gets the bus. I was saying 'Well, why don't we ring the changes for the 21st Century, and stick him in the car?'. [Executive Producer and son of the author, John Simenon] said, 'Well, you can if you want, but there'll be lots of people who won't like it'. So he's a non-driver ... But no, Top Gear was never a consideration for me; and neither was I asked