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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
Sep 29, 2025
Popcorn is one of the only situations in which you eat the result of an explosion.
I believe in stopping work and eating lunch.
Soup is just a way of screwing you out of a meal.
My idea of fast food is a mallard.
Watermelon - it's a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face.
What exactly are the ingredients of Ranch dressing? Mayo and disappointment?
Reality may not be the best of all possible worlds, but it's still the only place where you can get a decent steak.
Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is.
Life is a nacho. It can be yummy-crunchy or squishy-yucky. It just depends on how long it takes for you to start eating it.
Sacred cows make the best hamburger.
Never trust a skinny cook.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
My weaknesses have always been food and men - in that order.
Cucumber should be well sliced, dressed with pepper and vinegar, and then thrown out.
Nothing would be more tiresome than eating and drinking if God had not made them a pleasure as well as a necessity.
Well my chocolate is so good I could sell it in an obnoxious prism shape.
Instead of past, present and future, I'd prefer chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry.
I want my food dead. Not sick, not dying, dead.
The way you cut your meat reflects the way you live.
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead - not sick, not wounded - dead.
The quickest way to a man's heart is through his chest.
The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook.
A recipe has no soul. You, as the cook, must bring soul to the recipe.
The real question is should we trust people who don't like cheese?
Let's face it, a nice creamy chocolate cake does a lot for a lot of people; it does for me.
Where there is cake, there is hope. And there is always cake.
There's nothing better than cake but more cake.
He was a bold man that first ate an oyster.
I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.
As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
You can tell alot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
When I buy cookies I eat just four and throw the rest away. But first I spray them with Raid so I won't dig them out of the garbage later. Be careful, though, because Raid really doesn't taste that bad.
You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.
Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
A party without cake is really just a meeting.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
How can a nation be called great if its bread tastes like kleenex?
Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!
One should not attend even the end of the world without a good breakfast.
Everybody likes to have a place to think, to meditate, to eat a burrito.
If you're ordering me an edible arrangement to say thanks, I'd prefer a meat one.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
And, of course, the funniest food of all, kumquats.
Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations.