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A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell.
Sep 29, 2025
I have had a holiday, and I'd like to take it up professionally.
One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.
Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.
I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.
To many people holidays are not voyages of discovery, but a ritual of reassurance.
Christmas is doing a little something extra for someone.
A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.
Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.
Love the giver more than the gift.
Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.
Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas.
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.
The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to.
Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs?
When we were children we were grateful to those who filled our stockings at Christmas time. Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs?
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year.
I like to compare the holiday season with the way a child listens to a favorite story. The pleasure is in the familiar way the story begins, the anticipation of familiar turns it takes, the familiar moments of suspense, and the familiar climax and ending.
One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly." ~ (1919-), American writer, producer, humorist.
Every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings.
There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.
Unless we make Christmas an occasion to share our blessings, all the snow in Alaska won't make it 'white'.
As we struggle with shopping lists and invitations, compounded by December's bad weather, it is good to be reminded that there are people in our lives who are worth this aggravation, and people to whom we are worth the same.
Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.
Christmas is the day that holds all time together.
The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.
I heard the bells on Christmas Day Their old, familiar carols play, And wild and sweet The words repeat Of peace on earth, good-will to men!
Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance.
I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.
To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To you, respect.
Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.
Happy white peoples independence day the slaves weren't free but I'm sure they enjoyed fireworks.
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