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When you marry your mistress, you create a job vacancy.
Oct 1, 2025
I'm an Irish Catholic and I have a long iceberg of guilt.
Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
The Irish are a fair people: They never speak well of one another.
It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's rather that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody.
In Ireland the inevitable never happens and the unexpected constantly occurs.
I can resist everything except temptation.
Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it.
What's the use of being Irish if the world doesn't break your heart?
If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized.
The great Gaels of Ireland are the men that God made mad, For all their wars are merry, and all their songs are sad.
When anyone asks me about the Irish character, I say look at the trees. Maimed, stark and misshapen, but ferociously tenacious.
Every St. Patrick's Day every Irishman goes out to find another Irishman to make a speech to.
You know it is summer in Ireland when the rain gets warmer.
If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forks.
What's the use of being Irish if you can't be thick?
Being Irish is very much a part of who I am. I take it everywhere with me.
I think being a woman is like being Irish. Everyone says you're important and nice, but you take second place all the same.
As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
You have to do your own growing no matter how tall your grandfather was.
St. Patrick... one of the few saints whose feast day presents the opportunity to get determinedly whacked and make a fool of oneself all under the guise of acting Irish.
It's better to spend money like there's no tomorrow than to spend tonight like there's no money.
In heaven there is no beer. That's why we drink ours here.
May the saddest day of your future be no worse than the happiest day of your past.
The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet.
All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed.
A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.
We have always found the Irish a bit odd. They refuse to be English.
Irish Alzheimer's: you forget everything except the grudges
I only take a drink on two occasions - when I'm thirsty and when I'm not.
God invented whiskey to keep the Irish from ruling the world.
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy.
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