Political Jokes Quotes

I don't approve of political jokes; I have seen too many of them get elected.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

If you ever injected truth into politics you would have no politics.

I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.

I always feel that most political jokes, if you're going to do them, you have to do them within the next five minutes, or else they're outdated. By the time you've got it to the point that it's strong, it would be 12 years old.

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

You've got to be (an) optimist to be a Democrat, and you've got to be a humorist to stay one

I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.

Many of the political jokes that circulated in the Third Reich were directed at Goering. He collected them [all] in a large leather notebook and delighted in re-telling most of them to his friends.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.

A conservative believes nothing should be done for the first time.

I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself.

He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are "I'm from the government, and I'm here to help."

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

We'd all like to vote for the best man but he's never a candidate.

Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.

Bad officials are the ones elected by good citizens who do not vote.

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

How do you tell a communist? Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an anti-Communist? It's someone who understands Marx and Lenin.

A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election.

One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.

Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.

Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators.

A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.