Funny Retirement Quotes

Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.

When I was younger, I thought about retiring.

No, because retiring is stopping. If I wanted to stop, I would have stopped.

I don't know why people thought I was retiring.

I really stay busy [in retirement]. I often have to cancel my golf games on the weekends to go play in tennis tournaments.

Art is one of the few careers without a mandatory retirement age.

It is better to live rich than to die rich.

Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness.

Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you.

A retired husband is often a wife's full-time job.

There was no last animal I treated. When young farm lads started to help me over the gate into a field or a pigpen, to make sure the old fellow wouldn't fall, I started to consider retiring.

Retirement is wonderful. It's doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.

For me retiring wasn't hard once I knew that that was the decision I was going to make.

The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.

Sometimes it's important to work for that pot of gold. But other times it's essential to take time off and to make sure that your most important decision in the day simply consists of choosing which color to slide down on the rainbow

Woman and men of retiring timidity are cowardly only in dangers which affect themselves, but the first to rescue when others are in danger.

Let's get a couple of things straight. It hasn't been years and years since I made a movie. I'm not coming back from the dead - I've just had two kids! I have no intention of retiring, but I do think it's impossible to do movie after movie, because there aren't that many good films made.

Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer's day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.

Sanders was a friend of chickens.

Retirement: It's nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.

Your best retirement plan for retiring happy and prosperous - don't be a burden on others.

I'm now as free as the breeze - with roughly the same income.

When I retire I'm going to spend my evenings by the fireplace going through those boxes. There are things in there that ought to be burned.

When you retire, you switch bosses - from the one who hired you to the one who married you.

Why retire from something if you're loving it so much and enjoying it so much, and you're blessed with another group of people to work with like the gang on 'Hot in Cleveland?' Why would I think of retiring? What would I do with myself?

Introverts listen better, they assess risks more carefully, they can be wiser managers. It's not for nothing that the Silicon Valley billionaires are so often the retiring types.

There are three things to remember when teaching: know your stuff; know whom you are stuffing; and then stuff them elegantly.

Before you speak, listen. Before you write, think. Before you spend, earn. Before you invest, investigate. Before you criticize, wait. Before you pray, forgive. Before you quit, try. Before you retire, save. Before you die, give.

You can be young without money but you can't be old without it.

There's an enormous number of managers who have retired on the job.

Old teachers never die, they just grade away.

Retired is being tired twice, I've thought, first tired of working, then tired of not.

I have to struggle to change people's perceptions of me. I grew very frustrated with the perception that I'm this shy, retiring, inhibited aristocratic creature when I'm absolutely not like that at all. I think I'm much more outgoing and exuberant than my image.

I'm moving on. I should have made that clear when I made the announcement. I guess I wasn't clear. If people think you're leaving a show after all these years, you might be retiring. So I understand where they're coming from, but I should have impressed the fact that I hope I'm just moving on right now.

If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles.

If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.

As long as I'm still able to have a hit on the radio and sell a few albums and some tickets, I don't see that it would be worth retiring.

I do wish I could tell you my age but it's impossible. It keeps changing all the time.

Something pretty... that's just the surface. People worry so much about aging, but you look younger if you don't worry about it.

I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.

At age 20, we worry about what others think of us. At age 40, we don't care what they think of us. At age 60, we discover they haven't been thinking of us at all.

Preparation for old age should begin not later than one's teens. A life which is empty of purpose until 65 will not suddenly become filled on retirement.

Never drink black coffee at lunch; it will keep you awake all afternoon.

I advise you to go on living solely to enrage those who are paying your annuities. It is the only pleasure I have left.

Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can't hear, and not bothering.

Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

You're only young once, but you can be immature forever.