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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" "No, jump in!"
Sep 30, 2025
Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.
I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
A man's wife has more power over him than the state has.
Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.
The triumph of hope over experience.
My mother once told me that if a married couple puts a penny in a pot for every time they make love in the first year, and takes a penny out every time after that, they'll never get all the pennies out of the pot.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always
Well, you know, the definition of second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
A legal or religious ceremony by which two persons of the opposite sex solemnly agree to harass and spy on each other... until death do them join.
Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight.
I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
Behind every great man there is a surprised woman.
Men should keep their eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards.
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and halfway closed there after.
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
Rich bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.
A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished.
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
When a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it.
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too.
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married?
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar - a practice which is still continued.
Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.
The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.
If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.
When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part.
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
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